Random ficcage
Sep. 27th, 2004 10:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kascheBlame it on Pearl Jam's "Indifference" (also a bit on Puddle of Mudd's "Blurry", let's be honest) and on JKR's interview. (A very old one, don't get excited. =P)
The sad part, in death, is not the absence. Life finds its way around the hole, even if you don't want it to.
What hurts Remus the most is not that he misses Sirius. It's that people are already getting used to carry on without him. It's that he is getting used to it.
He likes to think that, if he could, he would mourn Sirius properly. Getting more drunk than he ever did, maybe. Sirius would love that. Still, he can't. Because this is a war, because he can't afford to let himself go when there are persons already falling apart and falling away. Because he just doesn't want to let himself go, when anyone is expecting him to.
But it shouldn't be so easy. He's wearing a mask, Molly said. She always thinks she's right, and Remus doesn't have the strenght to contradict her anymore. Then, though, shouldn't he be able to put it away?
They still go to Grimmauld Place, every now and then. Officially because part of their instruments is stored there; more likely, because they still expect the house to disappear and it hasn't yet. They have to go in pairs, though; it would be Unsafe otherwise.
Whenever he and Kingsley get near the hall, their steps get lighter, mostly out of habit. Remus hasn't heard Mrs. Black shriek once ever since. While it's just due to the fact that no one has caused yet enough noise to wake her up, and he knows it, he almost hopes it's some kind of mourning on her part.
Finally they're getting ready to leave. Now that this threshold is crossed no more than once or twice in a month, now that the house looks again as if no one has lived in there in twenty years, now that it's hard to expect to see anyone walking around, it gets slightly easier to breathe.
"Shit- Remus, careful!"
A foot bumps, a box falls, its contents scatter around. Remus and Kingsley look first at the floor, then at each other, finally over Remus' shoulder.
He's surprised to find that he hates hearing her yell, that he does more now than he ever did in the last year. Than he ever did when watching the reactions it brought out on Sirius' face. Kingsley rushes past him, but he can't bring himself to go and help him. The scream hits him square in the back. He feels himself tensing, and doesn't know how to move without risking to hear something break.
Nothing has changed. Nothing. He's almost wondering whether to try and tell her that her son is dead, but he knows this would be pointless. She is, it is, just a portrait. She has Sirius' mother's face, she has Sirius' mother's voice, but she isn't Sirius' mother. Sirius didn't have a mother anymore, when he got out of Azkaban.
The head that was set between two stiff shoulders raises a bit, a pair of hands rubs roughly a face, then Remus steps out of the house.
Ach.. unbetaed as usual, as you could see. It didn't quite come out the way I wanted it to, still as usual, not to mention that both beginning and ending (and bits in the middle) need a through editing. I have at least a couple of ideas that I mentioned, there, but didn't espand on. *sigh*
Actually, this came out from reading this (and I quote): "They [the portraits] are all of dead people; they are not as fully realised as ghosts, as you have probably noticed. The place where you see them really talk is in Dumbledore's office, primarily; the idea is that the previous headmasters and headmistresses leave behind a faint imprint of themselves. They leave their aura, almost, in the office and they can give some counsel to the present occupant, but it is not like being a ghost. They repeat catchphrases, almost. The portrait of Sirius' mother is not a very 3D personality; she is not very fully realised. She repeats catchphrases that she had when she was alive."
This made me a bit sad, you know? And that sprang out. Plus, I have this idea of Remus not being quite able to get around Sirius' death. If he is. Sirius, I mean. Now, it's not that I want him dead, but the prospect of seeing him jump out of the veil shouting "Surprise! Got you frightened, heh?", along with a significative hand gesture (which I'm not mentioning, because I'm afraid it's typical just here), is not that appealing. ^^;
And I don't know why I always feel the need to add some sort of not-quite-commentary at the end. Shouldn't I spend the same time working on that?
If you have any suggestion on that thing above, I'd be more than happy to hear them.
The sad part, in death, is not the absence. Life finds its way around the hole, even if you don't want it to.
What hurts Remus the most is not that he misses Sirius. It's that people are already getting used to carry on without him. It's that he is getting used to it.
He likes to think that, if he could, he would mourn Sirius properly. Getting more drunk than he ever did, maybe. Sirius would love that. Still, he can't. Because this is a war, because he can't afford to let himself go when there are persons already falling apart and falling away. Because he just doesn't want to let himself go, when anyone is expecting him to.
But it shouldn't be so easy. He's wearing a mask, Molly said. She always thinks she's right, and Remus doesn't have the strenght to contradict her anymore. Then, though, shouldn't he be able to put it away?
They still go to Grimmauld Place, every now and then. Officially because part of their instruments is stored there; more likely, because they still expect the house to disappear and it hasn't yet. They have to go in pairs, though; it would be Unsafe otherwise.
Whenever he and Kingsley get near the hall, their steps get lighter, mostly out of habit. Remus hasn't heard Mrs. Black shriek once ever since. While it's just due to the fact that no one has caused yet enough noise to wake her up, and he knows it, he almost hopes it's some kind of mourning on her part.
Finally they're getting ready to leave. Now that this threshold is crossed no more than once or twice in a month, now that the house looks again as if no one has lived in there in twenty years, now that it's hard to expect to see anyone walking around, it gets slightly easier to breathe.
"Shit- Remus, careful!"
A foot bumps, a box falls, its contents scatter around. Remus and Kingsley look first at the floor, then at each other, finally over Remus' shoulder.
He's surprised to find that he hates hearing her yell, that he does more now than he ever did in the last year. Than he ever did when watching the reactions it brought out on Sirius' face. Kingsley rushes past him, but he can't bring himself to go and help him. The scream hits him square in the back. He feels himself tensing, and doesn't know how to move without risking to hear something break.
Nothing has changed. Nothing. He's almost wondering whether to try and tell her that her son is dead, but he knows this would be pointless. She is, it is, just a portrait. She has Sirius' mother's face, she has Sirius' mother's voice, but she isn't Sirius' mother. Sirius didn't have a mother anymore, when he got out of Azkaban.
The head that was set between two stiff shoulders raises a bit, a pair of hands rubs roughly a face, then Remus steps out of the house.
Ach.. unbetaed as usual, as you could see. It didn't quite come out the way I wanted it to, still as usual, not to mention that both beginning and ending (and bits in the middle) need a through editing. I have at least a couple of ideas that I mentioned, there, but didn't espand on. *sigh*
Actually, this came out from reading this (and I quote): "They [the portraits] are all of dead people; they are not as fully realised as ghosts, as you have probably noticed. The place where you see them really talk is in Dumbledore's office, primarily; the idea is that the previous headmasters and headmistresses leave behind a faint imprint of themselves. They leave their aura, almost, in the office and they can give some counsel to the present occupant, but it is not like being a ghost. They repeat catchphrases, almost. The portrait of Sirius' mother is not a very 3D personality; she is not very fully realised. She repeats catchphrases that she had when she was alive."
This made me a bit sad, you know? And that sprang out. Plus, I have this idea of Remus not being quite able to get around Sirius' death. If he is. Sirius, I mean. Now, it's not that I want him dead, but the prospect of seeing him jump out of the veil shouting "Surprise! Got you frightened, heh?", along with a significative hand gesture (which I'm not mentioning, because I'm afraid it's typical just here), is not that appealing. ^^;
And I don't know why I always feel the need to add some sort of not-quite-commentary at the end. Shouldn't I spend the same time working on that?
If you have any suggestion on that thing above, I'd be more than happy to hear them.
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no subject
on 2004-09-27 09:53 am (UTC)Anyway, I popped on over to your DevArt page, and your art is lovely! I've friended you because of it, I hope you don't mind; let me know if you do! :)
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on 2004-09-28 02:08 am (UTC)And thank you also for your lovely offer! I will very likely need it. :D
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on 2004-09-28 08:41 am (UTC)Thanks for saying this. ^^ And thanks for reading it in the first place!
no subject
on 2004-09-28 08:23 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-28 08:42 am (UTC)Thank you for reading it. ^___^